Thank you very much for the list, the admission, and your prompt payment of your debts. In addition to the presents, I think I might commission a shadow box in just the right size to display a silver coin, with with a little plaque. I have not decided what the plaque might say. "Valentine's Shame," perhaps.
I recognize that you've asked not to be comforted, but I feel I must inform you that your timing in acquiring an elven friend is precipitous, given the developments in Orlais. Now that our very own Empress has an Elven Friend you might find your reception, as a man with an Elven Friend, equal parts fascinated and scandalized—rather than scornful lack of interest, as it has been in the past—among those who you would have any interest in being received by. (Of course there are still those who would be scornful, for example our old friend with the nose, you know the one, who has been publicly asking whether he might adhere to the letter of the Empress' decree by removing his alienage altogether rather than only its walls, putting the elves out in the woods to see how they like it without his protection, perhaps their Dalish will come for them, etc.; and likewise those who would be delighted, who have variously acquired elven lovers or taken elven protégés or some uncertain combination of the two, whose names I will likewise not put to paper now, but know that among them is my own family. It is horrible. I will tell you when I return. But among those who are less socially clumsy:) People are now very curious about the Dalish, in a hushed and disapproving way I think you'll enjoy. This may be your opportunity to learn things no one else at the dinner table may know, without a single arrow in your head for your troubles, probably. Not an arrow from the Dalish in any case. I cannot say whether you might receive an arrow from your countrymen.
In the interest of no arrows in your head, among many other things, I do beg you not to sleep with her. Not even for science.
Aside from all of this nonsense about elves, Orlais fares well. The countryside is no longer quite so littered with corpses. I made my way without incident, despite seeing several bands of men who looked like they might like to cause an incident at some point, only not with a man with Chantry robes and a cane.
When I join you in Kirkwall it will be by sea, so I should not have to pass them a second time. Instead I am holding out hope for pirates—new pirates, not the pirates from before. Pirates with no ill memory of me. If I do not return at all, you may look for me on the islands, but only after waiting a sufficient length of time for me to acquire a peg leg and a fancy hat.
Yours,
Jeannot
Edited (im so sorry that i typed "pleaseforgi" in the password box before i realized) 2017-05-09 15:22 (UTC)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
a letter
Fʀᴇᴅᴅɪᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ ʜᴇʀ ᴏᴡɴ ʟᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ: I ᴡɪʟʟ sᴀʏ ᴛʜɪs ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ꜰʀᴏɴᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ ᴀs ᴘᴀʀᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴀɴ ᴀʀʀᴀɴɢᴇᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜᴇʀ. Sʜᴇ ᴛʀɪᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ᴜᴘᴏɴ ᴍʏ ʟᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ I ᴅᴇɴɪᴇᴅ ʜᴇʀ. Nᴏᴛ ᴀ sᴄʀɪʙʙʟᴇ ᴏʀ ᴀ ᴘᴏsᴛsᴄʀɪᴘᴛ ᴅɪᴅ I ᴘᴇʀᴍɪᴛ, ɴᴏʀ ᴡɪʟʟ I, ᴜᴘᴏɴ ᴍʏ (ᴅᴜʙɪᴏᴜs) ʜᴏɴᴏʀ ᴀs ᴀ ᴅᴇ Fᴏɴᴄᴇ́, ᴡʜɪᴄʜ ᴏꜰ ᴄᴏᴜʀsᴇ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛs ꜰᴏʀ ᴠᴇʀʏ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴀs I ᴀᴍ ᴘᴇʀʜᴀᴘs ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ ꜰᴏᴜʀᴛʜs ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ꜰᴀᴍɪʟʏ, ɪꜰ ɴᴏᴛ ᴍᴏʀᴇ. Aɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴏɴᴏʀ ɪs ʙᴜᴛ ᴅᴜʙɪᴏᴜs. Dᴏᴇs ɪᴛ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ ꜰᴏʀ ᴠᴇʀʏ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ɪꜰ ɪᴛ ɪs ᴅᴜʙɪᴏᴜs? I ᴛʜɪɴᴋ ɴᴏᴛ.
Jᴇᴀɴɴᴏᴛ, I ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ꜰɪɴᴅɪɴɢ Oʀʟᴀɪs ᴠᴇʀʏ ᴡᴇʟʟ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴠᴇʀʏ ᴡᴇʟʟ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ɪɴ ꜰᴀᴄᴛ ꜰᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛʀʏ ɪᴛsᴇʟꜰ ᴠᴇʀʏ ᴡᴇʟʟ ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ɢᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ ʟᴏsᴛ ᴏʀ ᴛᴜʀɴᴇᴅ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴏᴀᴅ. I sᴜᴘᴘᴏsᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴡᴇʟʟ sᴜᴘᴘʟɪᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡᴇ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɴᴏ ʀᴇᴀsᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ᴡᴏʀʀʏ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ʏᴏᴜ – ᴀɴᴅ ɪɴᴅᴇᴇᴅ, ᴡᴇ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ! Yᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀ ᴍᴀɴ ᴏꜰ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴡɴ, ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴛʜᴀɴ ᴄᴀᴘᴀʙʟᴇ ᴏꜰ ɴᴀᴠɪɢᴀᴛɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ sᴇᴄᴜʀɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴡɴ ᴘᴀssᴀɢᴇ. Aɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴏꜰ ᴄᴏᴜʀsᴇ ʀᴇᴛᴜʀɴ ᴛᴏ ᴜs ꜰᴏʀᴛʜᴡɪᴛʜ, ʜᴀᴠɪɴɢ ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇᴅ ᴀʟʟ ᴏꜰ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙᴜsɪɴᴇss ᴀɴᴅ sᴇᴄᴜʀɪɴɢ ᴀʟʟ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇᴄᴇssᴀʀʏ ᴘᴀᴄᴋᴀɢᴇs ᴀɴᴅ ᴘʀᴇsᴇɴᴛs.
Eɴᴄʟᴏsᴇᴅ ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ꜰɪɴᴅ ᴀ ʟɪsᴛ ᴏꜰ ʀᴇǫᴜᴇsᴛs ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴍᴇ, Vᴀʟ, ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴠᴇʀʏ ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ! Pʟᴇᴀsᴇ ɴᴏᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏʟᴏʀ ᴀɴᴅ sɪᴢᴇ ᴏꜰ ᴇᴀᴄʜ ɪᴛᴇᴍ.
Aɴᴅ ɴᴏᴡ I ᴡɪʟʟ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴀ ᴄᴏɴꜰᴇssɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀs ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴏᴜʀ ᴠᴇʀʏ ᴏᴡɴ ʜᴏʟʏ ᴍᴀɴ. Jᴇᴀɴɴᴏᴛ, ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ʀɪɢʜᴛ. Tʜᴇ ᴄʀʏsᴛᴀʟ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ: sʜᴇ ɪs ᴀɴ ᴇʟꜰ. Pᴇʀʜᴀᴘs ᴀ Dᴀʟɪsʜ. I ᴅɪᴅ ɴᴏᴛ ᴇɴǫᴜɪʀᴇ ꜰᴜʀᴛʜᴇʀ ᴡʜᴇɴ I ʟᴇᴀʀɴᴇᴅ ᴛʜɪs ꜰᴀᴄᴛ. I ᴀᴍ ᴘᴜᴛᴛɪɴɢ ᴛʜɪs ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ sᴏ I ɴᴇᴇᴅ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀᴅᴍɪᴛ ɪᴛ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜʀ ꜰᴀᴄᴇ. I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴇɴᴄʟᴏsᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜʀ sɪʟᴠᴇʀ ᴘɪᴇᴄᴇ ɪɴ sᴀᴛɪsꜰᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴇᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ. I ᴀᴍ sᴀʏɪɴɢ ᴀ ᴘʀᴀʏᴇʀ ᴛᴏ ʙʟᴇssᴇᴅ Aɴᴅʀᴀsᴛᴇ RIGHT NOW ᴛʜᴀᴛ Fʀᴇᴅᴅɪᴇ ᴀʟsᴏ ᴛᴀᴋᴇs ᴀ ᴛʀɪᴘ sᴏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ I ᴄᴀɴ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ʜᴇʀ ᴀ ʟᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ sᴇɴᴅ ʜᴇʀ sᴀᴛɪsꜰᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴇᴛ ᴀs ᴡᴇʟʟ.
(I ᴀᴍ ɴᴏᴛ ᴘʀᴀʏɪɴɢ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴀᴛ. I ᴍɪss ʏᴏᴜ TERRIBLY Jᴇᴀɴɴᴏᴛ.)
Aɴᴅ ɴᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴜsᴛ sᴡᴇᴀʀ ᴜᴘᴏɴ ᴛʜɪs sɪʟᴠᴇʀ ᴄᴏɪɴ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ WILL NOT ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ᴀ WORD ᴏꜰ ᴛʜɪs ᴛᴏ Fʀᴇᴅᴅɪᴇ ɴᴏʀ sᴘᴇᴀᴋ ᴏꜰ ɪᴛ ᴛᴏ ʜᴇʀ ᴀᴛ ᴀʟʟ ɪɴ ᴀɴʏ ꜰᴀsʜɪᴏɴ. Hᴀᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ sᴡᴏʀɴ? Dᴏ ɪᴛ ɴᴏᴡ, Jᴇᴀɴɴᴏᴛ. Sʜᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ɢᴇᴛ ʜᴇʀ ᴄᴏɪɴ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴇʀ ᴄᴏɴꜰᴇssɪᴏɴ ɪɴ ᴅᴜᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ.
I ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ǫᴜɪᴛᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ʙᴇʏᴏɴᴅ sᴀᴛɪsꜰʏɪɴɢ ᴛʜɪs ʙᴇᴛ.
Pʟᴇᴀsᴇ sᴇɴᴅ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴛɪᴅɪɴɢs ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ ʙᴜᴛ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴄᴏᴍꜰᴏʀᴛ ᴍᴇ.
I ʀᴇᴍᴀɪɴ ʏʀ. ᴅᴇᴀʀᴇsᴛ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ ᴅᴇsᴘɪᴛᴇ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴀᴛ I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴄᴏɴꜰᴇssᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ,
Dᴇᴠᴏᴛᴇᴅʟʏ ʏʀs.,
VAL ᴅᴇ Fᴏɴᴄᴇ́
Hᴇ Wʜᴏ Wʀɪᴛᴇs ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ Dᴀʀᴋ
a reply
Thank you very much for the list, the admission, and your prompt payment of your debts. In addition to the presents, I think I might commission a shadow box in just the right size to display a silver coin, with with a little plaque. I have not decided what the plaque might say. "Valentine's Shame," perhaps.
I recognize that you've asked not to be comforted, but I feel I must inform you that your timing in acquiring an elven friend is precipitous, given the developments in Orlais. Now that our very own Empress has an Elven Friend you might find your reception, as a man with an Elven Friend, equal parts fascinated and scandalized—rather than scornful lack of interest, as it has been in the past—among those who you would have any interest in being received by. (Of course there are still those who would be scornful, for example our old friend with the nose, you know the one, who has been publicly asking whether he might adhere to the letter of the Empress' decree by removing his alienage altogether rather than only its walls, putting the elves out in the woods to see how they like it without his protection, perhaps their Dalish will come for them, etc.; and likewise those who would be delighted, who have variously acquired elven lovers or taken elven protégés or some uncertain combination of the two, whose names I will likewise not put to paper now, but know that among them is my own family. It is horrible. I will tell you when I return. But among those who are less socially clumsy:) People are now very curious about the Dalish, in a hushed and disapproving way I think you'll enjoy. This may be your opportunity to learn things no one else at the dinner table may know, without a single arrow in your head for your troubles, probably. Not an arrow from the Dalish in any case. I cannot say whether you might receive an arrow from your countrymen.
In the interest of no arrows in your head, among many other things, I do beg you not to sleep with her. Not even for science.
Aside from all of this nonsense about elves, Orlais fares well. The countryside is no longer quite so littered with corpses. I made my way without incident, despite seeing several bands of men who looked like they might like to cause an incident at some point, only not with a man with Chantry robes and a cane.
When I join you in Kirkwall it will be by sea, so I should not have to pass them a second time. Instead I am holding out hope for pirates—new pirates, not the pirates from before. Pirates with no ill memory of me. If I do not return at all, you may look for me on the islands, but only after waiting a sufficient length of time for me to acquire a peg leg and a fancy hat.
Yours,
Jeannot
a reply to a reply
I ᴡɪʟʟ ꜰɪʀsᴛ ᴛᴇʟʟ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴏᴡ ɢʀᴇᴀᴛʟʏ I ᴇɴᴊᴏʏᴇᴅ ᴛʜɪɴᴋɪɴɢ ᴏꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀ ꜰᴀɴᴛᴀsᴛɪᴄᴀʟʟʏ ʟᴀʀɢᴇ ʜᴀᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴘᴇʀꜰᴇᴄᴛʟʏ ᴘʀᴏᴘᴏʀᴛɪᴏɴᴇᴅ ᴘᴇɢ ʟᴇɢ. Wᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴇɢ ʟᴇɢ ʙᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴠᴇᴅ? I ɪᴍᴀɢɪɴᴇ ɪᴛ ᴄᴀʀᴠᴇᴅ, ɪɴ sᴏᴍᴇ ꜰᴇᴛᴄʜɪɴɢ sᴛʏʟᴇ ᴀɴᴅ sʜᴀᴘᴇ, ʙᴜᴛ ᴀʀᴛꜰᴜʟʟʏ, ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴇɴᴏᴜɢʜ ᴏꜰ ᴀ sᴜʀꜰᴀᴄᴇ ᴜᴘᴏɴ ᴡʜɪᴄʜ ᴛᴏ ᴡᴀʟᴋ. I ɪᴍᴀɢɪɴᴇ, ᴛᴏᴏ: Fʀᴇᴅᴅɪᴇ ᴀɴᴅ I ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʜᴇᴀʀ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʏᴏᴜ ꜰᴏʀ sᴏᴍᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ. O, ʜᴏᴡ ᴏᴜʀ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛs ᴀʀᴇ ᴛʀᴏᴜʙʟᴇᴅ. Wᴇ ᴇɴᴅᴇᴀᴠᴏʀ ᴛᴏ ꜰɪɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ, ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴇsᴄᴜᴇ ʏᴏᴜ. Oᴜʀ ᴛʀᴀɪʟ ʙᴇɢɪɴs ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʟᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ (ᴡʜɪᴄʜ I ᴀᴘᴘʀᴇᴄɪᴀᴛᴇᴅ ᴠᴇʀʏ ᴍᴜᴄʜ – ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʟᴀᴛᴇʀ!), ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘɪᴇᴄᴇ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛᴏʟᴅ ᴍᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ ᴄᴏᴍɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ Kɪʀᴋᴡᴀʟʟ ʙʏ sᴇᴀ. Bʏ sᴇᴀ! Fʀᴇᴅᴅɪᴇ ᴀɴᴅ I sᴀʏ ᴛᴏ ᴏɴᴇ ᴀɴᴏᴛʜᴇʀ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴡᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴍɪssɪᴏɴ ᴀ sʜɪᴘ ꜰᴏʀᴛʜᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛᴏ ᴄᴀʀʀʏ ᴜs ᴀʟᴏɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏsᴛ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ʀᴏᴜᴛᴇs. Aɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇɴ, ᴏɴᴇ ᴍᴏʀɴɪɴɢ, ᴀs ᴡᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ʙʀᴇᴀᴋꜰᴀsᴛɪɴɢ: ᴀ ᴄᴀɴɴᴏɴ sʜᴏᴛ! A ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ ᴄᴀʟʟ! Tʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀᴅ ɢᴏᴇs ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ sʜɪᴘ: PIRATES. A ꜰᴇᴀʀsᴏᴍᴇ sᴇᴀ ʙᴀᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴇɴsᴜᴇs, ʙᴜᴛ ᴏᴜʀ sʜɪᴘ ɪs ᴡᴇʟʟ ᴏᴜᴛᴍᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴀs ᴛʜᴇ sʜɪᴘ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘɪʀᴀᴛᴇs ᴄᴏᴍᴇs ᴀʟᴏɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴏʀᴛ sɪᴅᴇ - ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜᴇʀ ᴄʀᴇᴡ ɢɴᴀsʜɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ᴛᴇᴇᴛʜ ᴀᴛ ᴜs, sʜᴀᴋɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ sᴄɪᴍɪᴛᴀʀs, ᴛᴡɪʀʟɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ʟᴏɴɢ ᴜɴᴋᴇᴍᴘᴛ ʙᴇᴀʀᴅs, ɢʟɪɴᴛɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ʙʀᴀss ʙᴜᴛᴛᴏɴs ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ᴄᴏᴀᴛs ɪɴ ᴏᴜʀ ᴇʏᴇs, ᴀɴᴅ sᴏ ᴏɴ – ᴀs ᴛʜᴇ sʜɪᴘ ᴘᴜʟʟs ᴀʟᴏɴɢ, ᴡᴇ sᴇᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴀᴘᴛᴀɪɴ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ sʜɪᴘ sᴛᴏᴏᴅ ᴜᴘᴏɴ ᴀ ʟᴀʀɢᴇ ᴄʀᴀᴛᴇ. Tʜᴇ ᴄᴀᴘᴛᴀɪɴ, sᴏ ʜᴀɴᴅsᴏᴍᴇ ᴀ ᴍᴀɴ. Hᴇ ʜᴀs ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʀɢᴇsᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴇsᴛ ʜᴀᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ᴀʟʟ. Hɪs ᴘᴇɢ ʟᴇɢ, ᴏʀɴᴀᴛᴇʟʏ ᴄᴀʀᴠᴇᴅ, ꜰʀᴏᴍ sᴏᴍᴇ ɪᴠᴏʀʏ. Iᴛ ɪs ʏᴏᴜ, Jᴇʜᴀɴ! Yᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴀᴘᴛᴀɪɴ. Aɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴜs.
A ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛɪꜰᴜʟ ᴍᴏᴍᴇɴᴛ. I ᴄᴀɴɴᴏᴛ ᴡᴀɪᴛ ꜰᴏʀ ɪᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴘᴀss. I ᴀᴍ ᴄᴏᴍᴍɪssɪᴏɴɪɴɢ ᴀ ᴘᴀɪɴᴛɪɴɢ ᴏꜰ ɪᴛ.
Tᴏ ʙᴜsɪɴᴇss ɴᴏᴡ: I ᴅᴏ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ʏᴇᴛ ᴄᴏᴍᴍɪssɪᴏɴᴇᴅ ᴛʜɪs sʜᴀᴅᴏᴡʙᴏx ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡʀᴏᴛᴇ ᴏꜰ. Nᴏᴛ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴇᴀsᴛ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ᴍʏ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ ʜᴀs ʙᴇᴇɴ sᴇᴛ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴀᴛ ᴇᴀsᴇ ʙʏ ʏᴏᴜʀ ɴᴇᴡs ꜰʀᴏᴍ Oʀʟᴀɪs. Tʜɪs ɪs ᴀʟʟ sᴏ ᴡᴏɴᴅᴇʀꜰᴜʟ, Jᴇᴀɴɴᴏᴛ! Tᴏ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀɴ ᴇʟꜰ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴄɪsᴇʟʏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏʀʀᴇᴄᴛ sᴏʀᴛ ᴏꜰ sʜᴏᴄᴋɪɴɢ, ᴛʜᴇ ᴠᴇʀʏ sᴏʀᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ I ʟɪᴋᴇ sᴏ ᴡᴇʟʟ. Tᴏ ʙᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴏᴘɪᴄ ᴏꜰ ꜰᴀsᴄɪɴᴀᴛɪɴɢ sᴄᴀɴᴅᴀʟ ɪs ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ᴘʀᴇꜰᴇʀᴀʙʟᴇ. Tᴏ ʙᴇ sᴄᴏʀᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴛʜᴇ sᴄᴏʀɴꜰᴜʟ (sᴜᴄʜ ᴀs ᴏᴜʀ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴏsᴇ, ᴡʜᴏ I ᴀᴍ ɢʟᴀᴅ ᴛᴏ ʜᴇᴀʀ ʀᴇᴍᴀɪɴs ᴘʀᴇᴄɪsᴇʟʏ ᴛʜᴇ sᴀᴍᴇ, ᴜɴᴄʜᴀɴɢᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴛʜᴇ ʏᴇᴀʀs, ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀ sᴏᴜʀ sᴏᴜʟ, I ᴘʀᴇsᴜᴍᴇ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ʜɪs ɴᴏsᴇ ɪs sᴏ ᴠᴇʀʏ ʟᴀʀɢᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ, ᴀs ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡs, ᴛʜᴇ sᴏᴜʀ ᴄᴏᴍᴇs ꜰʀᴏᴍ, ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴏsᴛʀɪʟ ᴘᴀssᴀɢᴇs ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ʟɪᴋᴇ) ɪs sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ I ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ǫᴜɪᴛᴇ ᴇǫᴜᴀʟʟʏ.
Sᴏ I ᴡɪʟʟ sᴇᴛ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴜᴘᴏɴ ᴛʜɪs ᴇɴᴅᴇᴀᴠᴏʀ ᴏꜰ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅsʜɪᴘ, ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ sᴄᴀɴᴅᴀʟ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴠᴇʀsᴀᴛɪᴏɴ, ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴄᴀʟʟɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴍɪɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴜʟᴛɪᴍᴀᴛᴜᴍ, ᴡʜɪᴄʜ ɪs ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴠᴇʀʏ ɪɴsᴜʟᴛɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ, ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙᴇsᴛ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ ᴄᴀʟʟᴇᴅ Vᴀʟᴇɴᴛɪɴᴇ, ᴡʜᴏ ᴍᴀᴋᴇs ɴᴏ ᴍɪsᴛᴀᴋᴇs ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴇᴅʀᴏᴏᴍ ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴏᴇs ɴᴏᴛ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀsᴛᴀɴᴅ ᴡʜʏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴇᴠᴇɴ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ sᴀʏ sᴜᴄʜ ᴀ ᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ʜɪᴍ. Cᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜ ɪᴍᴀɢɪɴᴇ, Jᴇᴀɴɴᴏᴛ? Pʟᴇᴀsᴇ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʀʏ. I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀsᴛᴏᴏᴅ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ɪᴛ ɪs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇʟꜰ ʟᴏᴠᴇʀs ʜᴀᴠᴇ sᴇᴇɴ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʏᴘᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴘʀᴇꜰᴇʀ. Tʜᴇ sᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇ ᴀɴɢʟᴇs! Tʜᴇ ᴇᴀʀs ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴡʜɪᴄʜ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ sʟɪᴄᴇ ᴀ ʟᴏᴀꜰ ᴏꜰ ʙʀᴇᴀᴅ! Iᴛ ɪs ᴘᴇᴄᴜʟɪᴀʀ, ᴛʜɪs ᴛᴀsᴛᴇ. I ᴀᴅᴍɪᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴀ ᴄᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴ ᴇxᴏᴛɪᴄ ᴄʜᴀʀᴍ ᴛʜᴀᴛ sᴜᴄʜ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛᴜʀᴇs ᴍɪɢʜᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʙᴜᴛ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀᴡɪsᴇ ʀᴇᴍᴀɪɴ ʟᴀʀɢᴇʟʏ ᴜɴᴀᴛᴛʀᴀᴄᴛᴇᴅ ᴇxᴄᴇᴘᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴄᴏᴜʀsᴇ ɪɴ ᴡᴀʏs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴄᴀɴɴᴏᴛ ʙᴇ ʜᴇʟᴘᴇᴅ, ᴀᴘᴘʀᴇᴄɪᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴀʟ ᴇxᴏᴛɪᴄ ᴄʜᴀʀᴍ/ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛʏ ᴀs ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴᴇᴅ, ᴀᴘᴘʀᴇᴄɪᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ʙᴏᴅʏ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ʟɪᴋᴇ.
MOREOVER, I ᴀᴍ ɢʟᴀᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ sᴀꜰᴇʟʏ ᴀʀʀɪᴠᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʀᴀᴠᴇʟᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡɪʟʟ sᴏᴏɴ ʙᴇ ᴊᴏɪɴɪɴɢ ᴜs ᴏɴᴄᴇ ᴍᴏʀᴇ, ᴘᴇʀʜᴀᴘs ᴀs ᴀ ᴠᴇʀʏ ᴅᴀsʜɪɴɢ ᴘɪʀᴀᴛᴇ ᴠᴇʀsɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ʏᴏᴜʀsᴇʟꜰ. Iꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴘʟᴀɪɴ ᴄʟᴏᴛʜᴇsᴇᴅ I ᴡɪʟʟ ᴏꜰ ᴄᴏᴜʀsᴇ ʙᴇ ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴀs ɢʟᴀᴅ ᴛᴏ sᴇᴇ ʏᴏᴜ, ʙᴜᴛ ᴡɪʟʟ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀʟᴛᴇʀᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴀɪɴᴛɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴀᴛ I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴍɪssɪᴏɴᴇᴅ. A ᴄʜᴀɴᴛʀʏ ɪɴsᴛᴇᴀᴅ ᴏꜰ ᴀ sʜɪᴘ, ᴀ ʀᴏʙᴇ ɪɴsᴛᴇᴀᴅ ᴏꜰ ᴀ ʙʀᴏᴄᴀᴅᴇᴅ ᴄᴏᴀᴛ. I ᴡɪʟʟ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴀᴛ I ᴛʜɪɴᴋ. Iɴ ᴛʜᴇ sᴋᴇᴛᴄʜ ɪᴛ ʜᴀs ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴏᴜᴛ ǫᴜɪᴛᴇ ʙᴇɢᴜɪʟɪɴɢ ᴏɴ ʏᴏᴜ.
Fʀᴇᴅᴅɪᴇ ɪs ᴀs ᴡᴇʟʟ ᴀs ᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ WILL SEND HER OWN LETTER, ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ɴᴏ ᴍᴀʀᴋ ᴜᴘᴏɴ ᴍɪɴᴇ. As ᴜsᴜᴀʟ ᴡᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ʙᴏᴛʜ sʟɪɢʜᴛʟʏ ʙᴇʀᴇꜰᴛ ɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴀʀᴇ sᴇᴘᴀʀᴀᴛᴇ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀɴᴅ ᴏᴜʀ ɴɪɢʜᴛs ᴀʀᴇ sᴘᴇɴᴛ ᴅʀɪɴᴋɪɴɢ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴏᴜʀ ᴘʀᴇᴄɪᴏᴜs sᴜᴘᴘʟʏ ᴏꜰ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴡɪɴᴇ ᴀɴᴅ sᴘᴇᴀᴋɪɴɢ ᴛᴇɴᴅᴇʀʟʏ ᴏꜰ ʏᴏᴜ. Wᴇ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ᴀ sʜʀɪɴᴇ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀs. Tʜᴇ ᴄᴀɴᴅʟᴇs ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɢᴏᴛᴛᴇɴ ᴡᴀx ᴜᴘᴏɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙᴇᴅᴄʟᴏᴛʜᴇs ʙᴜᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇꜰᴜʟ ᴛᴏ sᴘᴀʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘɪʟʟᴏᴡs ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜɪs ꜰᴀᴛᴇ. Wʜᴀᴛ ɪꜰ I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴇ sᴄᴇɴᴇ ᴏꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀs ᴀ ᴘɪʀᴀᴛᴇ ᴄᴀᴘᴛᴀɪɴ sᴛɪᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ ᴜᴘᴏɴ ᴀ ᴘɪʟʟᴏᴡ? Tʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ ʟᴏᴠᴇʟʏ, I ᴛʜɪɴᴋ, ᴀɴᴅ ɪɴ ᴘᴇʀꜰᴇᴄᴛ ᴛᴀsᴛᴇ. I ᴡɪʟʟ ɢᴏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴇʟʟ Fʀᴇᴅᴅɪᴇ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ɪᴛ ɴᴏᴡ.
I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ʏᴇᴛ ᴛᴏʟᴅ ʜᴇʀ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇʟᴠᴇɴ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ. Tʜᴇ ᴀʙsᴏʟᴜᴛɪᴏɴ I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ꜰᴏᴜɴᴅ ɪɴ ᴏᴜʀ ʟᴇᴛᴛᴇʀs ɪs sᴏᴍᴇᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴀʀʀᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴀ sʜᴀᴅᴏᴡʙᴏx ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀɪɴɪɴɢ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴀ ᴄᴏɪɴ, ᴜᴘᴏɴ ᴡʜɪᴄʜ ᴡᴇ ᴀʟʟ ᴍɪɢʜᴛ ɢᴀᴢᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ. Oꜰ ᴀʟʟ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢs ᴛʜᴀᴛ I ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴄᴀʟʟᴇᴅ VALENTINE’S SHAME, ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴀ ᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴀᴛ I ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ɴᴏᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ. Wʜʏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀɴ ᴀᴍᴜsɪɴɢ sʜᴀᴍᴇ? Tʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ɪɴsᴛᴀɴᴄᴇs ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴏsᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ꜰɪᴛ ᴛᴏ sᴛɪᴛᴄʜ ᴜᴘᴏɴ ᴀɴʏ ᴘɪʟʟᴏᴡs. Wᴇ ᴄᴀɴ sᴘᴇᴀᴋ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴏsᴇ ɪɴsᴛᴇᴀᴅ.
(As ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ ᴛᴇʟʟ, I ʀᴇᴍᴀɪɴ ᴛʀɪꜰʟᴇᴅ. Bᴜᴛ ᴇᴍʙʀᴀᴄɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ sᴄᴀɴᴅᴀʟ! Bᴜᴛ ᴛʀɪꜰʟᴇᴅ. Iᴛ ɪs ᴀ ᴍɪx ᴏꜰ ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴs ᴛʜᴀᴛ I ꜰᴇᴇʟ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜɪs ᴛɪᴍᴇ, ᴛᴜᴍᴜʟᴛᴜᴏᴜs ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴜʀʙᴜʟᴇɴᴛ. Iᴛ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴀʟsᴏ ʙᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴇʀʀɪʙʟᴇ ꜰᴏᴏᴅ ᴏꜰ Kɪʀᴋᴡᴀʟʟ.)
Pʟᴇᴀsᴇ ᴀᴅᴅ ᴀɴᴏᴛʜᴇʀ 6 ʙᴏᴛᴛʟᴇs ᴏꜰ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴡɪɴᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ ꜰɪʀsᴛ ʟɪsᴛ, ᴀs Fʀᴇᴅᴅɪᴇ ᴀɴᴅ I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ᴀ ʀᴀᴛʜᴇʀ sɪᴢᴀʙʟᴇ ᴅᴇɴᴛ ɪɴ ᴏᴜʀ ᴏʀɪɢɪɴᴀʟ sᴜᴘᴘʟʏ. Pʟᴇᴀsᴇ ᴀʟsᴏ ᴀᴅᴅ ᴀ ᴘʀᴇsᴇɴᴛ ꜰᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀsᴇʟꜰ! Pɪᴄᴋ ᴏᴜᴛ sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴠᴇʀʏ ɴɪᴄᴇ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴀs ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏ, ᴛʜɪɴᴋ ᴏꜰ ᴍᴇ,
Yᴏᴜʀ Gᴏᴏᴅ Fʀɪᴇɴᴅ, Vᴀʟᴇɴᴛɪɴᴇ ᴛʜᴇ Pʀᴇᴄɪᴘɪᴛᴏᴜs, Fʀɪᴇɴᴅ ᴏꜰ Sᴄᴀɴᴅᴀʟ